Mutual Feelings

There is a lack of mutual interest in every serious relationship and every dating relationship that I have been in. 

There is lack of mutual words and actions, lack of mutual values, lack of love, care, trust and respect and lack of mutual feelings and relationship. 

At first I have high hopes for the relationship but then the feelings become no longer mutual and it fails.

The harder I work at an imbalanced and unhealthy relationship the less mutual it becomes.

I always end up feeling rejected, being confused,  and I feel like I have to try and win them over. I feel "not good enough." When this happens, I opt out. Its like raising your hand up and saying "Gimmie Five" and then being left hanging. Ive done it to others numerous times and Im not proud of it.

 I hate it when its done to me, why do I do it?

Real, mutual love doesn’t have ‘buts’. You don’t need someone saying “I love you but…you know my situation” or “I love you but I can’t give you what you want” or even “I love you and we’ll always be friends but…” This is a prime example of what I do.

  I now will make a promise to my self "I Amanda, will not say I love you to another man until that man has my whole heart. I will not cry over a man, I will not chase a man, I will only chase my dreams and cry in joy because I have reached them."